What I didn't know at that time was that God had a plan to restore a family to Evelyn and I, but not the one I had sought to reconcile with for the many months during my pregnancy.
After Evelyn passed away at almost 40 weeks gestation due to a cord accident, I attended various support groups. I have made some great friends, and I have developed a family of bereaved moms and dads that share an experience that only we can understand. I want to tell you specifically about two families and 3 little girls that are Evelyn's new sisters in heaven.
I met Holly at the Gwinnett hospital support group, Open Arms. She just wept the first time she came and shared much of herself with us in such a vulnerable and genuine way. She has three boys but longed for her little girl, Nevaeh. Her boys were so excited about their sister and grieved with her. The second time I saw her at group, she shared with us that she had accepted Christ as her savior, and I wanted to leap for joy at that moment. I was in such awe and amazement to see how God used this precious girl to bring her mom the gift of eternal life. I was so inspired and filled with the Holy Spirit a few days later thinking about this miracle of Him, that I wrote a poem for Holly, in honor of Nevaeh, titled, "Nevaeh "Grace"."
She has three boys at home, I know
To kiss and hold them close
They play trains and tractors
And wear all the same clothes
But on that day she had a sparkle
In her eye to know
She could put away the camo and the collars
And buy little pink bows
The boys were going to dote so well
on this little baby girl
They named her Nevaeh Luag Ntxhi
No, they didn't even know
That God had a plan to take her home
Nothing less than a mighty blow
To heaveN He prepared a place for her
And with it, a new name like so…
He spoke to me so softly, "Nevaeh Grace, to you"
Because it was grace that saved her mommy, Holly
When she said, "Yes Jesus, I want to know you too
Because I can see you on that cross right now
So we could know our Father through you
I know my baby girl is there,
And I want to be with you one day too"
Spell her name right to left, and you'll know
His purpose was spoken before anyone ever knew
"Smiling happily" says her mom
Is the meaning of Luag Ntxhi
But, oh, sweet little Grace
When Heaven took you in that day
So happily you were smiling
When He told you that your purpose was
To save your mommy by His blood, and your little brothers, too
And now the time you have
With your loved ones who are so dear to you
Is more than you would ever have on earth
Don’t you know it’s so, so true
He chose you as His child, sweet one
Nevaeh, in heaveN they’ll surely be with you
Holly is a great friend and is now a part of the Jewels from Heaven benefit on Oct. 28th, 2011 to honor her baby girl to help prevent the human trafficking of children. Nevaeh is surely playing with Evelyn up in Heaven, and when I am with Holly, I feel the great love she has for her daughter. We are all adopted into God's family, and so God gave Evelyn a sweet sister named Nevaeh. Nevaeh was born on March 27th, 2011.
Evelyn's other sisters...
On December 8th, 2010, not even two months after I lost Evelyn, I received this message from Chelsea Wallis on Evie's memorial site:
"I woke up this morning only to have your and Evelyn's miraculous story cross my path. I too go to 12stone. I too have a sweet baby girl born to heaven on Oct 29th 2010. Oh mama how I wish I could hug you! Email me if you like firstname.lastname@example.org. May God bless you and your family today as Evelyn looks down upon you. = )"
As Chelsea shared her story of losing Lainey Grace on 10.29.10, I learned that she had actually experienced a second loss at 32 weeks gestation just a couple weeks prior on August 11th, 2011 with her second daughter, whom she named Evelyn. I was shocked to hear of her second loss and equally shocked to hear that name. That beautiful name. She also mentioned that they had nicknamed her Evie, but pronounced E-V, as opposed to eh-V. I then shared my story and told her and her husband how shocked I was that God had given us TWO unbelievable connections with the date of our losses on 10.29.10 and with the name Evelyn.
Chelsea and Erik are also now a part of the Jewels from Heaven benefit, and are representing their sweet girls to help prevent human trafficking. Chelsea and I were instant friends, and are still in shock at the connections God has given us. Lainey Grace and Evelyn Juliet are now sisters to my Evelyn Marie in heaven, and I believe that full well.
God spoke to me one morning a couple months ago, and I heard something like "come together all you who mourn." I now fully realize the importance of these ladies in my life, along with the other ladies and couples I have developed friendships with that have experienced similar losses. We can look into each other's eyes with an understanding that only we can have towards each other, and it is very comforting. This is the closest thing to God's comfort that is available in the seen world. I believe that is why he spoke that to me, because he understands the importance of having that comfort to allow for healing after a loss.
"Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."-2 Corinthians 1:3-5
At the time He spoke to me, I did not really understand or accept my new identity, but have come to the full acceptance of the "new normal" of who I am with the memory of Evelyn held in my heart for the rest of my life. I have also embraced and fully seek to cultivate the relationships in this new family that God has given me and Evelyn.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" -Matthew 5:4